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Inosculation

by Colour in the Clouds

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amoreladispute
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amoreladispute Honestly the best album I have heard this year, I love everything you've ever released but this one just hit so hard. y'all are seriously killing it! you deserve so much more recognition !! I cant wait till you guys blow up, amazing work! looking forward to seeing you guys play live again sometime soon 🖤
my favorite track on the album is Hold (Still I I I ) so raw and emotional, honestly every song is a banger I listen to it on repeat with no skips , and I'm picky ahaha so that means alot ah Favorite track: Hold (Still III).
Phantom
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Phantom 10/10 2 deep, cried Favorite track: Inosculation.
/
1.
collapse my lungs force the air out of my chest breath out slow you will know that i am still alive bound by exhaustion i'll escape when i'm asleep and pray that the sunrise will not follow me don't follow me patiently, i'll waste away did you know that this house breathes like you do? trembling at the thought of what it's got to prove looking out through the window i saw the trees in the yard tangled together their skins was broken and scarred but they grow still as we've grown still and still i can't quiet my head i can't ever forget i'll try for honesty but it's so hard with this weight on my chest even with empty lungs even with whats still left you don't deserve these words you deserve no attention from me at all so as i relive the past as i share my perspective know your thoughts weren't in mind know these stories are mine to tell as my own know that we've grown still
2.
know that we are forced to live with the promises that we made we wear our mistakes on our faces counting more and more year to year but i'm just trying to find some purpose i'd hoped that this held meaning but i know our lives grew together and at first we'd seemed so strong stay by my side i won't be a burden let me pretend that this holds some meaning cries below muddle my mind breathing faltered in your sight chest pulls up head falls down i collide saw teeth cut into branches fell and covered roots in concrete cracking through their rings were young and few this new life broke the foundation aged while hiding you shattered no need to worry i could see it coming please forget me fingers crossed tight enough to break familiar snap returns melancholy set my bones fill the cracks with mistakes dressed again with forced apathy sometimes i still feel you there by my side together we'd hide sometimes i still fear that you're there hiding inside while cracks in the concrete echo through the walls my chest follows each one and my head falls sometimes i still feel you there and every time it feels like saw teeth cutting into our skin
3.
Elephant 04:27
my skin won't keep you warm i don't recognize it anymore my voice is weak and worn i don't know it anymore it's like we're sewn together tangled in each other when you touch me with your hollowness your quiet lips your shallow lungs don't bury my body i'll wait for the rain to cover the snow my ashes, my bones will sink into the earth waiting for you to find me in the dirt my love won't keep you warm i don't recognize it anymore my hope is weak and worn i don't know it anymore it's like the best days are gone or maybe i just remembered them wrong or buried them with my happiness (reconstruct) and the sun came up (days gone by) and you found me in the dirt (with these skin-graphed maps) a lesson in separation (i'll hide inside) and you found me in the dirt and our lesson in separation it's like when you hear your voice played back to you and you should know what your voice sounds like but you don't and you hear yourself hurting and you hear them talking quietly and you hear yourself how they hear you it's like when you see yourself in a dream and you know you should't be able to but you can and you see yourself hurting and you see them staring but you see yourself how they see you quiet lips shallow heart we are (lost) it's like when you touch me and you know you shouldn't but you did, you saw I was hurting and you heard me, but you'll never know me how i know you
4.
i remember climbing through broken windows hiding from the light lighting cigarettes from fires we'd start in alleys to pass the time but it's been years since i roamed with you at night they tore the church down my mother's home is empty i tell myself i don't know why you couldn't confide in me you felt alone but what does that mean to me i found myself overthinking moments of regret my mistakes just shine so bright when they're played back in my head and i know you want me to hold onto these choices that i made because if you told me would you think i don't know nothing would have changed we'll always know what it's like to have something worth losing we held on to what we could and what we learned fighting against their torturous roots waiting to leave behind all we felt that we outgrew
5.
Sedatephobic 03:49
when was the last time you spoke to me when was the last time i felt the need to listen and were you blinded by desperation sedatephobic panic sets in but still you never listened maybe it's standing on a porch step all alone when evening light has faded from a distant glimmer to a dull glow maybe it's in the air a cigarette an empty home passing conversation voices over telephones something about the way i close my eyes feels easier like something about the way your voice demanded open ears days go by it seems i've lost the need to say the things that distance has replaced with idle numbness silent emptiness maybe it's waiting for a train going far from home with countless bodies walking in straight lines their limbs framing glowing exit signs or maybe it's knowing i can't find you here knowing you're comfortable with the ones you that you love near i tell myself i'm grateful for what you did to me but it means nothing i mean nothing i know you'd have trouble understanding and i don't know what it is but something about the way that distance has replaced this need for conversation this ache to end the silence puts me at ease and it helps me but i can't sleep when the days end feels so far come morning light these words feel ephemeral they fall from my lips it's quiet as night that swallows your mind leaves you hungry for a chance to close your eyes
6.
i've got this fear of life to come and all the things i haven't done and it keeps me alone when i'm stumbling home and i drank too much thinking about what i've called love and i'm trying to learn but i'm still not good with words did i cause your collapse? it happened so fast when i looked back leave a light on outside i promise i just need time it'll be alright come sunlight caught in the dim light their eyes met mine and i tried to hide that i was drunk that i'd been smoking far too much despite my aching lungs despite the last three months i hate to look weak but old friends have a way of seeing where you really are and lies only go so far and i hate to look weak but we share this understanding so i heard them all confess that they wished they could have spent more time with you had they known how much time was left and it's that fear of life to come and all the things i haven't done that keeps me alone when i'm stumbling home and i drank too much i've thought about what i call love and it's those eyes and it's the light left on outside
7.
come night my eyes are weakened by the lack of light the weight of time distracted, they wander like my hands on your skin like breathing you in and i can't remember what that feels like i knew i wouldn't find sleep tonight i left a note for myself ride out this night when you're up too high look out and breath in when you fall again raise your arms and sink inside you're safe it's okay to be afraid 'cause there's so much to do but not enough time and i'm so tired excuse my excuses i'll come up with a better one but there's no time and i'm so goddamn tired excuse my excuses there's no time we all wanna leave behind something meaningful but for who, i don't know and whats more if anything lives beyond my body i hope it grows out of my words breathe me in, my dear redirect my weary eyes inside me you're safe condemned by time our wounds won't heal i knew i wouldn't find sleep tonight
8.
Red 04:04
i haven't been seeing you as much as i would like to in my head before i fall asleep i don't see you and i wish i could explain as well as i would like to but my head doesn't work that way i just can't explain why do we pick ourselves up laugh when we fall why am i always smiling through the weight of it all the weight of a fall that seems so far something so temporary seems like everything is so everything until it's not my blood runs cold but it pours our red it's all you see and i can't stop the bleeding looking back i saw the blood and it pours out red but i can't stop the bleeding and this failing it's all you see i can't stop the bleeding before i fall asleep sometimes i see you and you're begging me to explain and you're begging me to stay and the walls behind you shake and there are cracks throughout the paint and i'm watching my blood circle in the sink but it all seems far away like arms reaching out in the dark unsure of what they'll find in the absence of your light you can't see that if my thoughts were written down they fill the walls of this old house and where they'd bloom it would look just like my mother's room i hope to find you there with the memories i wish i could forget it's all the ideas that i haven't gotten around to yet cause i haven't gotten out of bed yet and i haven't got anything yet
9.
“hold still,” she said, that twisted warm smile pushing the thoughts out of my head and leaving it with her words instead. but in that moment, with the passing image, i came to the realization that nothing ever would/ “hold still” she said. and she said time moved to fast for her. but she was 17, too young to be focused on the life waiting ahead and blinded by what was trapped in her head and in her bones so she could never fully just/ “hold still” but i just want her to be looking at me. i want to hear that she’ll be here with me, and she’ll fall asleep on my shoulder, hours rolling by, not making us feel older but pushing memories back so we can make new ones, ones i wish were the only ones left when i was ready to let her go, but they’re not. “hold still” she said and that warm smile twisted into tight lips, trembling, holding back thoughts begging to leave her head. and i sit with her. a little orange bottle hits the ground but the pills aren’t inside. and i touched it and i felt the weight of emptiness. and i touched her and i felt the weight of emptiness. i prayed for anything to slow down time but she just placed her hand in mine and as my eyes poured out the words i couldn't say, she spoke. and her words were like smoke. and her eyes were like the moon, “i’m going to sleep now, but i’ll see you again soon.” wishing for the best time will leave us bleeding, waiting for death to find us time will never hold still time will never bleed with me and i carried her in my arms and i saw the scars and i heard approaching sirens as i looked at the stars
10.
Inosculation 04:47
one day i looked out from the window saw those trees in the yard they had fallen apart their skin was broken and scarred and their rings were young and few and they looked just like you and i thought that i'd be strong enough to say exactly what i wanted it's been long enough but i can't keep what i want fucking straight so i built these walls of metaphors and cliches silently hoping they'd fall and i'd break there's so much left to learn and our lesson proved my worth and i'm so hesitant in separation and in what we learned fighting against their torturous roots hoping to find a way to speak the truth and i don't know why that would help but i just wish i could write something about you that didn't make me hate myself so far from you, i know i don't want to pretend that i have found out how to get passed this and were you blinded by desperation i know i was nothing but did i cause your collapse or was i just a part of it and i hope the wall break and you find these poems scratched in the paint they're not direct so they feel safe they're insecure but they fit and i'd rather have them than try to live without happiness so far from you, i know i don't want to pretend there i have found out how to get passed this and i know closing the door means leaving these questions unanswered it means not caring enough it means giving up on what i call love and i'm so sick of the sound of my own voice and the pressure that i put on every single choice to make sure that i'm heard to make sure that these words feel right and i just want to leave behind something meaningful something beautiful it's never felt right but sometimes i wish you had had that child maybe then i wouldn't feel so fucking empty inside collapse my lungs force the air out of my chest until i breath out slow and until i forget you will know i haven't got anything yet but these words and these moments i'm wishing for the best that the scar of our inosculation won't define the days that i have left

credits

released July 31, 2020

engineered/produced/mixed by jay maas
mastered by mike kalajian @ rogue planet mastering

COLOUR IN THE CLOUDS
was shoji, yoshi, nathan, and david

www.mourningrecords.com

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Colour in the Clouds

emo influenced post-hardcore

calgary, AB
+
vancouver, BC

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